I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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