can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
