This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
