Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
