I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
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Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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