He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
