Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize