I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
