Don't you send me to vm
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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