Non-Jews are for practice
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
