You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
