but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
