I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Randomize
