On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
