the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
