I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
