U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
