she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Randomize
