clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I think a kid would responsible me up
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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