At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
