why didn't you poke me back
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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