Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
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do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
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I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
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