I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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