Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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