who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
He did a backflip because drugs
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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