making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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