well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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