I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
