i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
