I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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