Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
