When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
