I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
stop calling my apartment porn island.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
