Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
