the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
