So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
