oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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