Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
