what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
