epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
