I'm gonna have a badass scar
The best revenge is premature balding
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
