Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
