Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I want her autograph on my taint
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
