New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
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Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
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It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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