The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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