imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
pop tarts are not kleenex
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
