I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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