she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
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