I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
