well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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