im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
