my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
