Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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