And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
