Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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