I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
