it's like iHOP with fire
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
