I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
