Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
