I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
