My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize